iliana destroyer of worlds

iliana’s pride flag buying guide for politicians

It’s election season (when is it not, honestly?). It’s time to rein in the LGBTs! But how? Federal protections for trans people? Repealing FOSTA-SESTA and letting sex workers live?

No, too difficult. Buy a pride flag! Follow my guide and your unwilling constituents will have nothing more to say.

1. Know your flags

The six-stripe rainbow flag is a great start, but is often used to refer to just lesbians and gays.

To get the most bang for your buck, buy two flags:

If you only have room for one flag, consider removing the flag of your state, or try Daniel Quasar’s Progress pride flag, consisting of the 6-stripe rainbow flag with a black-brown-blue-pink-white triangle.

Ask the queer people close to you about the flags that represent them. As a politician it’s difficult to find room in your massive office for dozens of pride flags, so it’s important to have meaning and purpose when you display a flag.

Under no circumstances buy a pride flag with the United States flag’s star field. You should know better.

2. Buy a stitched flag, not a printed one

There’s a phenomenal quality difference between the 5-dollar Amazon’s Choice pride flag and a proper stitched flag. Printed flags often have wavy or crooked stripes and are harder to remove creases from.

I’ve personally ordered from Sunward Flag’s queer-focused Etsy shop and am beyond happy with the quality.

Don’t be tricked by sellers that say “double stitched”; they’re referring to the ends of the flag.

A reminder: this guide is for politicians who usually have plenty of money to spare. If you’re one of the people your flag represents, it’s entirely up to you what to get.

3. Press out the creases (this is most important)

If you’re a politician you probably regularly visit a dry cleaner. Bring the flag with you after you get it and have them clean it and press it.

Nothing looks worse than hanging up the flag right after it’s been folded for shipping.

4. Display the flag year-round

Trans people exist beyond Transgender Day of Visibility; lesbians and gays exist outside of June. Proudly fly your flag year-round; after all, you’ve meticulously followed the above steps and should make it worth your while!

5. Actually support your LGBTQ+ constituents

Remember, waving a flag does fuck all! If you really care about us, give us material and legal support. Sponsor legislation for federal discrimination protections and guaranteed health care. Support LGBTQ+ refugees and immigrants instead of letting them die in ICE custody. Give sex workers the safety they need to survive. Actions are louder than flags; with your help, we can all have better lives.